Try So Hard To Say Goodbye
by WeirdyTheFangirl
Summary: Nagihiko's routine was flawed. He knew that now; he knew this kind of relationship was unpredictable, and with it came a feeling he couldn't quite put his finger on."*". Rima was just a tool, and he her user. /./UA (Universe Altered)\.\. Inspired by She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. Rimahiko.
1. She Will Be Loved

"I don't know, Nagihiko. I think…" She looked down, "I think he may be the one."

And nothing hurt more than that. How many times had he heard her say that? How many times had he been there to pick her up, catch her when she fell too hard- too fast? If only she'd felt the same way about him; if only she'd do _anything _for him, like he'd do for her. He sighed and sipped his coffee, watching her twirl that hair.

That pink hair.

~-~O~-~

He had a routine. It was a fairly rainy season where they lived. He'd get in his car, ambition flooding his guts as he repeated to himself, "This is it. This is the night you'll win her." He'd park his car downtown, a few blocks away from her house, and he'd walk there. But he could never bring himself to burst through the door like he'd always imagined. He could never bring himself to live out that fantasy. He'd stand at the corner of her block and watch her window, watch her silhouette, her short hair's shadow, her giddy dances she'd do after a date. On nights where her silhouette was still and dim, he'd knock on her door and hug her tight, walk into the kitchen and make her tea, and talk to her. He never made a move.

That night when he got into his car, he knew he'd do it. Instead of parking downtown, he'd park right in front of her tiny apartment, run up the stairs, and sweep her up.  
>He turned onto her street and looked up to watch her infamous shadow. Nagihiko saw two. He heard the faint sound of cheesy jazz. Saw the twisting figures swaying to the beat, and he heard that melodic laugh of hers.<p>

On nights like this, he had a different routine.

To: Rima

**Coming over.**

From: Rima

**I'll be waiiiting**

He stopped at a light, and heard another beep from his phone.

From: Rima

**I wish you'd stop doing this to yourself. Thought you were smarter...**

He knew she was right. He wiped some water from his face, shook his hair, water droplet falling onto his steering wheel.

Beep.

From: Rima

**Nvm. Just hurry.**

**~-~O~-~**

Rima was no stranger to the sorrow caused by want. She had, after all, been Nagihiko's happy pill for quite some time now. She remembered the first time he'd come over after seeing Amu and one of her beaus. Rima hated herself, knowing he'd never be that torn up about her. But the way he touched her that night made her think they maybe he felt _something. _Even if just for one night.

Now she knew better.

She was just a tool.

**~-~O~-~**

The next week he'd gone over to Amu's on a Saturday morning, after getting a text from her. Ikuto had left, and somehow Nagihiko was far from surprised. He tapped on her window and she looked through the blinds, eyes swollen. He heard the click of her front door and stepped inside, staring at her with glazed eyes; she was just as bad as he was. He murmured sweet things to her, about how beautiful she was, how out of Ikuto's league she was, how anybody would be lucky to have her...

But it was never enough to get her to fall in love with him.

He had compromised his sanity just to able to comfort her, and that's why he didn't mind waiting in rain. Just in case she needed him.

Anytime he caught himself hurting too much, looking into Amu's eyes for too long, hugging her too tight, Rima was always there. Anytime.

~-~O~-~

He continued his pathetic routine, despising how many times he had Rima, but loving how her body took away the pain, but was a reminder of how much he needed said feeling. He always turned up to her house soaking, feeling terrible. She get two beers, they'd talk, and after a while she'd do what she usually did: take his hand tenderly in hers and guide him up her stairs, while her heart filled with false hope. She knew it was useless, harmful to her. But he was so addictive. She couldn't help herself, and the night would end with her lying on her bed facing one wall, and Nagihiko facing another. The content they felt was bitter, with just enough sweet to get them through.

But things that unhealthy can never go without slipping.


	2. Useless Social Construct

Rima vividly remembered losing her virginity. It wasn't particularly _romantic,_and it sure as hell wasn't slow and sensual and poetic; it was awkward, and though it felt great to the senses , the lack of feeling didn't exactly help emotionally. They were friends, deciding that they were close enough to just _do _it- better with someone they care about then with someone they'd regret losing it to. Besides, she never understand the social standard of losing your chastity to someone you loved and would love forever. It made greater sense to get it out of the way, and who better to do the do than with someone who had an '_alright_ body' ('the body of a living sex god')?

* * *

><p>"I'm ready to graduate." Rima groaned, hair fanned out around her, lying on her bed. It was hotter than hell outside, and working on a Senior project in 98 degree (too hot for early spring) weather with a boy who may be even hotter... It couldn't be healthy.<p>

"You and me both," He sighed, leaning back in his swivel chair, pushing his locks out of his face, hair draping over the back of the chair. Rima closed her eyes, trying not to look for too long. She was beginning to question her sanity. The t-shirt that hugged his lithe, toned body and his red cheeks and the moans and groans he emitted when he stretched.. She just couldn't take it. Somehow the fact that he was in love with her best friend made it worse (who would have thought?). The hormones of an 18-year-old, Rima thought bitterly, but why Nagihiko?

* * *

><p>"We don't have to do this, Rima.." Nagihiko let out a ragged breath, face close to the said blonde's. She was on her bed again, though this time Rima was on her back and Nagihiko was hovering over her, painfully nervous. She turned her head, her hands laying next to her. Extending one, she swept her finger through his hair that fell in a waterfall around their faces.<p>

"We've been friends for a while now, Nagihiko, and I'd rather lose it to you than some fanboy, eh?" She smiled, her nerves causing it to twitch uncharacteristically. Of course she was nervous, she'd heard from Utau that it hurt like a bitch. Not to mention, if word got out, people would be suspecting that they were an item, and as much as Rima wanted that, she was aware that Nagihiko was only looking to get virginity out of the way and to ease the Amu heartbreak. She didn't want to go through the drama of Nagihiko having to say out loud how he had no feelings for Rima other than physical. No feelings at all...

Nagihiko studied her face, noting that she _was _rather stunning, and praying that she was as nervous and he was. He moved his legs between hers into a more comfortable and accessible position. He didn't blush, his heart didn't race, and he nearly teared up when he thought of the fact that Amu had been in this position with his best friend. He couldn't bear the thought, so he did the first thing that came to mind. Rima hummed in surprise when he pressed his lips against hers, stiff and strangely angry, catching Rima by surprise. She looked into the corner of her room, uncomfortable and confused before she put her hand on either side of his face and pulled away. His face showed emotions in which she knew too well, though she thought Nagihiko wouldn't get to have sex with the girl he was in love with, and therefore wasn't a fair comparison. He shook his head and mumbled, "Gah, I'm sorry..."

"No, no. It's fine! Just relax. This is an escape. Let's make the most of it.." Rima retorted in a hush, comforting tone. Nodding in agreement, Nagihiko moved again, and this time Rima melted; his lips were far too soft and slick for her own good, they fit too well in hers... he moved too well. His hands were on either side of her head, and she slid her hands down to his shoulders. She felt his jean zipper against her thigh, sending an exhilarating feeling through her. This was happening...

Opening her mouth, she felt him enter and she made noises and it felt great and awkward and everything that a first kiss should feel like. Except it didn't. He didn't mean it. He didn't love her. He loved Amu.

She could have gagged.

Instead, she fingered the hem of his shirt and pulled up, it coming off in an awkward mess. She touched his stomach, and was satisfied when she felt the expected: a warm, firm abdomen. Everything was bittersweet. For a moment, she could imagine that her and Nagihiko were an average teenage couple, fresh out of high school, experiencing something new... Together.

They were just friends. And though it was the first time, she _was_ **just** a tool.


	3. The Many Epiphanies of After-Sex

Brief author's note.

I've decided that there will be little to no filler chapters in this fic. This way it will be solely based on the angst it was meant to be based off. And the friends with benefits/love confusion goodness. I guess you could say Chapter two was a filler of sorts, but I liked writing it because we got some fluff from Rima's point of view, and I love writing love!Rima because we've seen her romantically canon like, once, and it brings out an entirely other side to her other wise cold and wavering personality and I'm rambling. Into the angst/sex/love filled shit!

(Mild Adult Themed Content, but I don't think it's M)

* * *

><p><em>He felt it at <strong>6:22 pm.<strong>_

Moments after reaching through the ecstasy that_ was_ Nagihiko Fujisaki, Rima put her hand to her chest, which (of course) was heaving. There was an ever so heart-stopping gasp and a moan to follow, and almost as if on cue, she felt the weight once atop her shift to the space next to her. Looking over at Nagihiko, him having just finished reaching through the euphoria that _was_ Rima Mashiro, she felt her heart give a somehow unfamiliar tug. He was smiling, and looked almost _satisfied. S_he guessed he always looked satisfied, but not in a happy way. In a way that sort of said "Wow, I managed not to think about my sex partner's best friend for 20 minutes".

But no, Nagihiko was smiling. And before she knew it he was talking to her, _asking_ if she'd like to go again. _Go again. _Rima blinked at Nagihiko before sitting up, her blonde locks skimming against her bare back. She always did think she looked so naked without her headband in; just a mass of light yellows and tans. Holding Nagihiko's blanket to her chest, face and shoulders heating uncomfortably, she looked at Nagihiko dead in the eyes, which suddenly muted any thought she was thinking of voicing. As she was looking at him, staring at his shoulder curve and his chest and stomach, she felt her confusion dull as another feeling overcame her. Yes, this was familiar; this is what their relationship was based off of in the first place. Lust.

So she flipped over, straddling the purple haired boy's lower abdomen, and playfully wiggled a bit. Her breath caught as she saw his rare lopsided smile, and all over again she didn't mind their relationship.

Leaning up from kissing his mouth, she moved to his neck as he grasped at her hips, pulling lightly at the milky skin whilst sighing, "Gosh, you're so beautiful..." Rima laughed, her frequent daydream playing out. Looking back on that comment, she always felt stupid. Utterly _stupid_. She should have known...

At that moment, however, Rima could care less. He called her beautiful, she was at his neck, they were _naked, _and she was on cloud nine.

_This should be enough. This _is_ enough..._

She was even more enraged at her ignorance when she looked back at his actions of that night. He was gentle, nimble, and... well, pleasurable. It was the best she'd ever had with him; an entire body release, making her react in ways that made her feel so human. She didn't know her back could crack and arch and feel magnificently like jello all at one mesmerizing moment. But leave it to Nagihiko.

_It hit her at _**_2:37 am._**

He acted in love because he was in love. Rima always wondered the extent to which the imagination would go to make itself happy. Evidently, for Nagihiko, it went as far as to replace Rima with Amu. She'd always known Nagihiko had loved Amu. She just never thought he'd completely put aside the girl who took his virginity and who continued to challenge his innocence.

_Of course._

_Of course._

_Of course._

**_2:40 am._**

Rima cried. She was in love, and it was hurting her just like she'd always expected it to. She scoffed, trying to sniffle quietly as to not wake the boy who had inflicted such loathed emotions unto her. Ironic how she'd tried so hard not to fall in love, yet here she was, in an excruciating, sex-based relationship. A relationship notorious for being unhealthy and unpredictable.

_Tool. Tool. Tool._

Once she managed to fall asleep, she had an almost mockingly sweet dream. His smooth fingers, like they themselves were dancers, walked all over her body, roaming places nobody else had ventured. He looked at her with an emotion she couldn't quite stomach, though it made her smile involuntarily. It was the exact same occurrence that had happened that night.

Except in Rima's dream, he was looking for honey eyes. Not hazel.

* * *

><p>Nagihiko heard her. He heard her light gasps, her strained sniffles, and it was so painfully silent that he swore he heard the soft patter of her tears. He'd been lying awake, pondering over many things when he heard that first gasp. Rima had never cried after having sex before, so something had to have been different. He felt it too; the way they moved was almost <em>romantic<em>, and he knew he was to blame. Something over came him, though he didn't exactly know what. Her skin had felt softer, her eyes seemed brighter, her hair appeared to get messy more easily, and her dips and curves felt so subtle. A switch was flipped inside of him, and he didn't think of Amu the entire night. Perhaps the intimacy had reached Rima and was too overwhelming for her. He scolded himself, _Idiot, Idiot, _of course she wouldn't want romance; it probably made her sick. Was she crying out of anger?

This confused Nagihiko immensely, and he felt guilty.

_User. User. User._

He had so many questions he wanted to ask himself, his actions of that night being most of them. He knew if he thought hard enough, he could answer them himself, but something was stopping him. There was block. A strawberry pink block...

He didn't know what to do, or how to react. So once he heard her breath lull to a sleepy sigh, he tentatively wrapped an arm around the sleeping blond's waist. They were friends; he might even consider calling her his best friend, aside from Tadase of course.

Why didn't he try falling in love Rima?

Oh right, Nagihiko reminded himself, last time he fell in love he became an emotionally unstable 23 year old obsessed with Barry Manilow. Besides, Rima and him would be rather odd. The height difference. His fingers were long, hers were short and childish. He was an athlete, and Rima chose to focus on her comedic occupation and rarely did copious amounts of physical activity. They were complete opposites in more ways than one.

And if that wasn't reason enough, Nagihiko knew Rima had the belief of love being jaded. He could hurt her, and she could hurt him. He liked it this way; neither seemed to be getting hurt. Nagihiko knew he would never harm Rima, either way. He could be her shield if anything, because Nagihiko cared for Rima, sort of like he cared Tadase. Except of course, he would most likely never get into a sexual relationship with Hitori...

No, somehow the caring felt different. If only he could just stop thinking of Amu for a second, and focus on what had made him act the way he did that night. He thought back to that afternoon, when Rima had accompanied him to the grocery store. Just a small errand, but the minute they pulled into his driveway all her little giggles she'd emitted throughout the day led to him hoisting her up and hauling her inside. He blamed the switch. He didn't understand what to make of it. He decided to pass it off as friendship and of course the physical godliness that Rima was.

Nagihiko felt Rima stir as she shifted closer into him, coaxing a small smile to his face. His arm was the shield, and he'd protect her from anything harmful. He simply had the urge for a little intimacy, and that'd hurt Rima, and he'd try his best to not be so lovey-dovey next time. If there was a next time...

Nagihiko frowned at that thought; had he gone to far with the whole thing? ...Maybe he was over thinking all of this, he couldn't even be sure Rima was crying because of him. Oh god, what if she was in love with someone else and he just further reminded her of that? Nagihiko furrowed his brows in frustration. Why was everything so confusing suddenly? Sighing, he closed his eyes, deciding to worry about those things later. Right now it was late, and he was tired, and he just needed sleep.

_He thought it at **3:04 am.**_

Love. His stomach lurched, he felt sick, and his eyes shot open. He repeated to himself, _Lack of sleep. Lack of sleep._ That thought scared him senseless, and he wasn't going to humor himself. Not that night. He'd already cleared this up, had he not? He was strictly a good friend. That was all. He cared for Rima, and she maybe started doing something different. New shampoo? New eyeliner? Yes that's it, she'd done something different and he'd had a weird reaction. Love? As if. _T__hey_ _complete opposites in more ways than one. _Right.

He needed to put his mind at ease, so he reminded himself of one his best features: he was a _good friend_. _Yes_, he smiled, _a shield_.

He never stopped to think maybe the shield was too heavy for Rima; perhaps the shield was what was hurting her in the first place.

* * *

><p>Author's Note<p>

Dear god this chapter was all over the fucking place. I don't know why I can't just get my point across, my writing's probably confusing. Like, I bet everyone's like "So what's the deal with Nagihiko?" Gahh, I just write in circles and it's the worst and ugh I'm sorry, hopefully the chapter will be better. The matter of the fact is, I wrote this, went to save it, the page didn't load, and I lost all of my work so I was relcuntant to rewrite it because I'm a lazy little fucker. But here it is, I hope it wasn't too terrible.

P.S. I added a little Tadahiko bromance for you, Cammie! There'll be more most likely :B


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